行者

Self-esteem is what people think about themselves ----whether or not they feel valued ---- and when family members have self-respect, pride, and belief in themselves, this high self-esteem makes it possible to cope with the everyday problems of growing up.

Successful parenting begins by communicating to children that they belong, and are loved for no other reason than just because they exist. Through touch and tone of voice parents tell their infants whether or not they are valued, special, and loved, and it is these messages that form the basis of the child’s self-steem. When children grow up with love and are made to feel lovable despite their mistakes and failures, they are able to interact with others in a responsible, honest, and loving way. A healthy self-esteem is a resource for coping when difficulties arise, making it easier to see a problem as temporary, manageable, and something from which the individual can emerge.

If, however, children grow up without love and without feelings of self-worth, they feel unlovable and worthless and expect to be cheated. Taken advantage of, and looked down upon by others. Ultimately their actions invite this treatment, and their self-defeating behavior turns expectations into reality. They do not have the personal resources to handle everyday problems in a healthy way, and life may be viewed as just one crisis after another. Without a healthy self-esteem they may cope by acting out problems rather than talking them out or by withdrawing and remaining indifferent toward themselves and others. These individuals grow up to live isolated, lonely lives, lacking the ability to give the love that they have never received.

Self-esteem is a kind of energy, and when it is high, people feel like they can handle anythingk. It is what one feels when special things are happening or everthing is going great. A word of praise, a smile, a good grade on a report card, or doing something that creates pride within oneself can create this energy. When feelings about the self have been threatened and self-esteem is low, everything becomes more of an effort. It is difficult to hear, see or think clearly, and others seems rude, inconsiderate, and rough. The problem is not with others, it is with the self, but often it is not until energies are back to normal that the real problem is recognized.

Children need help understanding that their self-esteem and the self-esteem of those they interact with have a direct effect on each other. For example, a little girl comes home from school and says, “I need lovings ‘cause my feelings got hurt today.” The mother responds to her child’s need to be held and loved. If instead the mother said she was too busy to hold the little girl, they outcome would have been different.

The infant’s self-esteem is totally dependent on family members, and it is not until about the time the child enters school that outside forces contribute to feelings about the self. A child must also learn that a major resource for a healthy self-esteem comes from within. Some parents raise their children to depend on external rather than internal reinforcement through practices such as paying for good grades on report cards or exchanging special privileges for good behavior. The child learns to rely on others to maintain a high self-esteem and is not prepared to love in a world in which desirable behavior does not automatically produce a tangible reward such as a smile, money, or special privileges.

Maintaining a healthy self-esteem is a challenge that continues throughout life. One family found that they could help each other identify positive attitudes. One evening during an electric storm the family gathered around the kitchen table, and each person wrote down two things that they liked about each family member, these pieces of paper were folded and given to the appropriate person, who one by one opened their special messages. The father later commented, “it was quite an experience, opening each little piece of paper and reading the message. I still have those gifts, and when I’ve had a really bad day, I read through them and I always come away feeling betther.”

时间过得飞快，一眨眼暑假就要过去了，朋友10岁的女儿也要回老家了。在这两个月的日子里的一点一滴就像是发生在昨天。

没来之前，经常听到她妈说起关于她的一些趣事。第一次见到这位小美女，她有点缅婰，叫她不应声。头发很厚，正如朋友所说没怎么打理，几乎把脸给全遮住了。一顿饭吃下来，渐渐大家都熟了。然后。。。

小家伙好客，常常主动请我过去。几乎每天都会收到短信：“阿姨，过来吃饭”。如果反应迟了一点，紧接着就会出现：“阿姨，你快点来嘛。”

小朋友吃饭图完成任务，偏食，不爱吃肉，喜欢吃鱼虾、黄瓜之类的。每次要规定她吃多少量，为这个，大家还要讨价还价一番。边吃饭边聊天，每次我们吃完后，都看着她。她会说：“别这样盯着我看嘛，我会不好意思呢。“我会用蹩脚的四川话说：“因为我们没见过美女吃饭撒，所以喜欢看嘛”。一说到这里，总笑。哈哈哈哈。因为她在家总喜欢这样逗家里的小孩。

饭后，一般搞一些小节目娱乐一下。小朋友总喜欢要求说我们小时候的事。说她这么大时，我们在干什么。我们就会说，那时的生活多么艰苦，没有饭吃，还要干活什么的。她会说：“你们小时候好可怜哦。” 她妈就教育说：“所以，你身在福中要知福啊。”看起来小姑娘蛮喜欢自己的家乡话，来这里，一直不改口讲普通话。每次饭后，免不了要被小美女央求我讲家乡话，然后以她教我四川话作为交换。然后大家一边模仿一边大笑。要么，就是玩脑筋急转弯。玩一圈下来，才发现，小孩的脑子比大人更灵光。呵呵。问题的答案其实很简单，很多时候，是因为我们成人的想法太复杂。

小姑娘的爱好比较偏，喜欢吃零食，玩游戏，看电视。自她来了后，家里的遥控器都由她掌管，每天的节目就是喜洋洋与灰太狼。有时候，朋友会故意拔掉电视机线，她会好郁闷地说：“电视又没有台了。”然后，开始想别的办法玩乐。

我们有一起外出游玩过。那一次去游泳，路上塞车，找车位，换地方花了很长时间，到南澳那边已经是晚上了。不过，玩乐的兴致仍然很高。这是她第一次游戏，也是我第一次在海边游戏。小孩的眼里没有恐惧两个字，一来就直冲。而胆小的我，下去试了下水后，就上来了，控制不了水，害怕。直到后来朋友带着我和小姑娘，三个人，两个游戏圈，由朋友拉着，玩了近两小时。大家都挺开心的。另一次，由于要读文献，我没参加。母女俩去了欢乐谷。回来看了他们拍的照片，听她兴致勃勃地讲着。这也许是她第一次去这么大的游乐场玩，也许那里确实那么好玩吧。以致于后来每次问她，在深圳所经历过的最难忘的事是什么，总说是欢乐谷的游玩，以后还要去欢乐谷。而她在那里学到的，竞然是胆皮舞，再加拍几下PP。还常常要扭给我们看。一想到这儿，就忍不住想笑。在孩子的眼里，这没有什么，就是满足一下她的表演欲，而在成人的眼里，却感觉有点色。

小东西语言表达能力还可以，但作文就麻麻地，让她妈妈一直很操心。看过她在这里写的好几篇作文，有点记流水帐的味道。然后，妈妈总是苦口婆心地讲写作要领，真是有点恨铁不成钢。其实大家的小时候都差不多吧，我小时也不懂写作业，直到步入社会后，才慢慢领悟。

朋友要上班，多数时候把她一个人放在家里，电视又没得看，又没得玩，怎么可能乖乖做作业。可想而知，小朋友会多郁闷。所以，有时候她会跑到我家玩。我的生活蛮枯燥的，每天不是看英语就是读文献，或者是开着外汇图表窗口看行情。但每一样都要用电脑。小姑娘来了，自然要让她玩一下。我会问她：“看电视，玩手机游戏，电脑游戏，吃东西，你想做哪样？”这时她会“毫不客气”地选择玩电脑游戏。如果我的情况不允许，我们就会交换着。但小姑娘比较听话，未经允许，不会动任何东西。

有时候，我会开玩笑地问她：“如果你中了500万，会怎么办？”她会很认真地说：“我要想一下，嗯，如果我中了500万，先帮妈妈把银行的贷款还清了，然后买两套房子，四川一套，深圳一套。再买两台笔记本电脑，我一台，妈妈一台。这样我可以常常玩游戏了。”她妈会说：“不要做这种不切实际的梦。”

朋友有时候因为家里的事不开心，聊天的时候，一眼就能看出有心事。我们会聊聊。小姑娘就会在旁边问：“你们在聊啥子？”这时，感觉小孩真的好小，不懂成人的世界，只会关心自己那几个小小的爱好。我常问：“你会有心事吗？”她总回答说没有。是啊，小孩会有什么心事呢？小朋友会明白什么是心事吗？

    亲爱的liao同学，这就算是我交的作文吧，虽然记流水帐的程度与你有得一拼，但阿姨真的会很怀念我们曾一起度过的美好时光。祝你健康快乐地成长。